Question:
Anyway, i do have a work related question people might be able to help > me with. Where i look and position my eyes my face generally, and how > i react when others look at me is a big problem for me (eg if you pass > someone in the corridor are you meant to look at them or not – i > always look stupid because i don’t have a set approach -’yes, no, yes > , abort – backtrack, pause etc etc).
I went through all this.I say you have to forget the hiding behind glasses, and stand up with your shoulders back and head high!! Even if the world has decided I am nothing, God has decided I am something.I have my own unique things to offer this world as everyone else does. The men are not much problem, I look, and either nod or smile or just say , "heh". 75% or so give me something positive back. The women are tougher, 90% look down or away or just straight through me. Yes, it makes me feel like a dog, but the truth is, I am the one willing to smile or just be friendly, and they are the one with the problem. It hurt alot at first , with all the rejection from people.I started doing the same thing that they were doing to me, and I did not feel good about myself. So I just decided that I have to be the best person I can be regardless of other people, so I made the decision to just hold my head up, smile, nod,say hi, whatever seems appropiate, if they want to ignore me, that is their right, but I can feel good about myself and how I try and live my life.
Response:
"News" <v45…@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:3jiz9.3349$tW4.413243@newsread1.prod.itd.earthlink.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Anyway, i do have a work related question people might be able to help > > me with. Where i look and position my eyes my face generally, and how > > i react when others look at me is a big problem for me (eg if you pass > > someone in the corridor are you meant to look at them or not – i > > always look stupid because i don’t have a set approach -’yes, no, yes > > , abort – backtrack, pause etc etc). > I went through all this.I say you have to forget the hiding behind glasses, > and stand up with your shoulders back and head high!! > Even if the world has decided I am nothing, God has decided I am something.I > have my own unique things to offer this world as everyone else does. > The men are not much problem, I look, and either nod or smile or just say , > "heh". 75% or so give me something positive back. > The women are tougher, 90% look down or away or just straight through me. > Yes, it makes me feel like a dog, but the truth is, I am the one willing to > smile or just be friendly, and they are the one with the problem. > It hurt alot at first , with all the rejection from people.I started doing > the same thing that they were doing to me, and I did not feel good about > myself. > So I just decided that I have to be the best person I can be regardless of > other people, so I made the decision to just hold my head up, smile, nod,say > hi, whatever seems appropiate, if they want to ignore me, that is their > right, but I can feel good about myself and how I try and live my life.
I would have to agree with that.Shoulders back, head up, deep breath and make eye contact. People will decide fo themselves if they want to acknowledge you. Its difficult at first, but it does get easier. The people who avoid you matter less & less and when people respond it feels great. (Especially when the cute checkout girl in the local supermarket smiles at me, in my case) Hope it works for you! Callan
Response:
PsychoGirl Liv wrote: > I remember I once mentioned that I didnt score very high on an > evaluation because I didn’t socialize with the staff much. We have a > new boss now and she was talking about how out going some of the > people we work with are. She was speaking to her boss and then I > heard her voice go very low. I heard my name mentioned and the word > "quiet". They spoke in a very low tone for awhile. I know I am not > the life of the office and I keep to myself but Im a good efficient > worker. I happened to be filing something away when I overheard this > so I ran back into the office and decided to write how I feel. Now I > feel like the office weirdo. I talk to people, but am I that strange > that they have to whisper. I feel like such a freak. > Liv
Note: you _feel_ like such a freak because of their impolite behaviour. Nothing they do or say means that you _are_ a freak. How could it? If you are a freak, it is because of the way _you_ behave, not them. From your post I learn that: you are quiet, you are an efficient worker, etc. I don’t need to quote your own words at you. Now, be honest with yourself, does any of that make you a freak? Hint: the answer is no. ML
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Moufang Loop <Moufang.L…@btinternet.com> wrote in message <news:3DB2E72D.BB290DEA@btinternet.com>… > PsychoGirl Liv wrote: > > I remember I once mentioned that I didnt score very high on an > > evaluation because I didn’t socialize with the staff much. We have a > > new boss now and she was talking about how out going some of the > > people we work with are. She was speaking to her boss and then I > > heard her voice go very low. I heard my name mentioned and the word > > "quiet". They spoke in a very low tone for awhile. I know I am not > > the life of the office and I keep to myself but Im a good efficient > > worker. I happened to be filing something away when I overheard this > > so I ran back into the office and decided to write how I feel. Now I > > feel like the office weirdo. I talk to people, but am I that strange > > that they have to whisper. I feel like such a freak. > > Liv > Note: you _feel_ like such a freak because of their impolite behaviour. > Nothing they do or say means that you _are_ a freak. How could it? If > you are a freak, it is because of the way _you_ behave, not them. From > your post I learn that: > you are quiet, > you are an efficient worker, > etc. I don’t need to quote your own words at you. > Now, be honest with yourself, does any of that make you a freak? Hint: > the answer is no. > ML
I’m a freak at work i think. I couldn’t work for about 5 years – then i got a job that does involve a lot of people contact with other staff and the public. I’ve had some shocking moments, but i’ve been there (part-time) for 2 years last week and i feel good about parts of myself for a change as a result. When i started some new managers used my ignorance about the work procedures to tick all my work mates off in the staff news letter – the newsletter came out on my first day after my training period and induction. They made it appear that i’d dobbed everyone in for breaking the rules that i now know are always broken, particularly by the new managers when they were regular staff themselves. All i did was answer one direct question that indicated i was confused about weekday and weekend procedures. Anyway, i’ve survived this long because the result of all the above gave me an excuse to be myself in a funny sort of way. Being the office reject suited me from a functional point of view, although sometimes it does make me angry the way people use other people politically – especially the meek that obviously wont fight back in a hurry. Now i think as time has passed some people see me as weird but ok because i treat everyone the same – i’m neutral towards all the little factions. Anyway, i do have a work related question people might be able to help me with. Where i look and position my eyes my face generally, and how i react when others look at me is a big problem for me (eg if you pass someone in the corridor are you meant to look at them or not – i always look stupid because i don’t have a set approach -’yes, no, yes , abort – backtrack, pause etc etc). There’s a guy at work who wears blue shaded glasses – dyslexic ones i suppose – and i suspect he has a similar problem with eye contact to me. He doesn’t wear them all the time doing the same tasks, so i suspect he uses them to look cool, and hide his eyes indoors. I’ve been thinking about doing the same thing and pretending i have dyslexia so i can get my own social ‘blast shield’. Not to look cool, but to conceal my little yes no yes no routine. Any thoughts comrades? stiff
Response:
PsychoGirl Liv wrote: > I remember I once mentioned that I didnt score very high on an > evaluation because I didn’t socialize with the staff much. We have a > new boss now and she was talking about how out going some of the > people we work with are. She was speaking to her boss and then I > heard her voice go very low. I heard my name mentioned and the word > "quiet". They spoke in a very low tone for awhile. I know I am not
Oh yes! Being "quiet" is definitely wrong. My boss once remarked that I was quiet and was that a problem? I said "no" when I shoud have asked him if it was a problem for him, and if so why. ML – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> the life of the office and I keep to myself but Im a good efficient > worker. I happened to be filing something away when I overheard this > so I ran back into the office and decided to write how I feel. Now I > feel like the office weirdo. I talk to people, but am I that strange > that they have to whisper. I feel like such a freak. > Liv
Response:
"Cynic" <soc…@outcast.com> wrote in message <news:FGkp9.1760$sz1.20121737@news-text.cableinet.net>…
<snip> > The reality is that they want to see if they can use you for their own ends; > either to manipulate you into joining their incrowd, or to single you out as > the scapegoat. The workplace is permeated with the dog eat dog climate with > everyone out to put one over everyone else. > > This is how I feel much of the time, but I justify not talking to others > when > > the opportunity arises by saying I don’t care. > The reality is that I *don’t* care about who’s ‘in’ and who’s not. I don’t > see anything wrong with going in and doing the job that one is there to do. > If socialising is not important in the terms of employment, then why bother. > If socializing is regarded as an important part of the job and you aren’t a > social animal, then imho, you could well be in the wrong setting:-/
Cynic, Seeing the world in such a negative light makes you feel lonely… hence all the ways to communicate with people (email and multiple messengers). If that is you, I can certainly relate.
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I remember reading your post as I was getting ready for my first fulltime profesional job. Well I have been in this job for over 4 months. Its been a diffucilt experiance. Although did’t think I last this long, I am slowly settling into the job. But unfortunately I too have been given a negative evaluation. They told me that I didn’t socialise enough. As a result my probation period has been extended. Which means they still have the option of terminating me without a hassle. And ever since, my boss has been trying to put me on courses (non-technical) etc. Now they want me to go on a survival/team building course for three weeks. I did a technical course for 5 days. That was barely tolarable, but stay with people who I hardly know/like for three weeks doing things I really hate its just too much. I hope I can get out of it… anyway I will find out tommorow what they want me to do. I guess the only option is to prove to them that even though I don’t socialise much, I can do the job like the rest of them, …. but its very difficult. -SS silentstrang…@excite.com – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -livi…@yahoo.com (PsychoGirl Liv) wrote in message <news:58900aea.0210031026.6d636b3b@posting.google.com>… > I remember I once mentioned that I didnt score very high on an > evaluation because I didn’t socialize with the staff much. We have a > new boss now and she was talking about how out going some of the > people we work with are. She was speaking to her boss and then I > heard her voice go very low. I heard my name mentioned and the word > "quiet". They spoke in a very low tone for awhile. I know I am not > the life of the office and I keep to myself but Im a good efficient > worker. I happened to be filing something away when I overheard this > so I ran back into the office and decided to write how I feel. Now I > feel like the office weirdo. I talk to people, but am I that strange > that they have to whisper. I feel like such a freak. > Liv
Response:
I am new both to this list and to the diagnosis of Social Phobia. I saw it among the handouts at a drug store awaiting my prescription. As I was glancing among the posts in this list, this thread in particular struck me. I’m saying that’s me!!! So, I’ll be lurking and maybe posting again. If I now have a name to put to the feelings I have had and the things that have happened in the workplace and elsewhere, what else can I find here beyond a handle for what’s going on? Thanks to all. John DrJHWat…@netscape.net
Response:
"PsychoGirl Liv" <livi…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:58900aea.0210031026.6d636b3b@posting.google.com… > I remember I once mentioned that I didnt score very high on an > evaluation because I didn’t socialize with the staff much. We have a > new boss now and she was talking about how out going some of the > people we work with are. She was speaking to her boss and then I > heard her voice go very low. I heard my name mentioned and the word > "quiet". They spoke in a very low tone for awhile. I know I am not > the life of the office and I keep to myself but Im a good efficient > worker. I happened to be filing something away when I overheard this > so I ran back into the office and decided to write how I feel. Now I > feel like the office weirdo. I talk to people, but am I that strange > that they have to whisper. I feel like such a freak. > Liv
I understand what you’re saying here. I was the same way during the years I spent in college and I cannot be bothered with the clique mentality in the slightest. Most people appear to have a problem with that, but that is a case of people’s arragonce in that they expect everyone to hang around them as a show of their own popularity. I went there to do whatever there was to do and as far as I was concerned, that was as far as it went. — email or messenger: cynic27486(at)yahoo.co.uk AIM:cynic27486 Paltalk: cynic_3 ICQ:164982725 http://groups.msn.com/Soapboxoftheoppressed
Response:
"EventHorixon" <eventhori…@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20021004213147.03204.00007132@mb-ck.aol.com… > >I don’t think that being an introvert means there is anything wrong with > >you. > >Some people including myself are just happier with less interaction. > Really? Is this true, that we do not like to talk to other people, or just > that we find ourselves unable to do so? Is it that we feel what we have to say > would be pointless to them, that they don’t care and don’t want to hear us and > only listen to be polite?
The reality is that they want to see if they can use you for their own ends; either to manipulate you into joining their incrowd, or to single you out as the scapegoat. The workplace is permeated with the dog eat dog climate with everyone out to put one over everyone else. > This is how I feel much of the time, but I justify not talking to others when > the opportunity arises by saying I don’t care.
The reality is that I *don’t* care about who’s ‘in’ and who’s not. I don’t see anything wrong with going in and doing the job that one is there to do. If socialising is not important in the terms of employment, then why bother. If socializing is regarded as an important part of the job and you aren’t a social animal, then imho, you could well be in the wrong setting:-/ — email or messenger: cynic27486(at)yahoo.co.uk AIM:cynic27486 Paltalk: cynic_3 ICQ:164982725 http://groups.msn.com/Soapboxoftheoppressed
Response:
"Brian Sunderland" <b…@absinthebri.com> wrote in message <news:ani2g6$ejovi$1@ID-107424.news.dfncis.de>… > > I feel like such a freak. > I never socialised with my colleagues and never went for drinks, meals etc. > It was often commented on. I told my boss that as soon as she was prepared > to pay for my time I’d attend every function but I would rather not spend MY > time with work people. > Bri
work people can be nasty.
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I don’t think that being an introvert means there is anything wrong with you. Some people including myself are just happier with less interaction. Unfortunately that is usually not the norm in the workplace. The perkier the better seems to be the rule. That is one of the reasons I usually don’t do well on the job. I just hope that your employer is understanding enough to let you be you. You might analyze what fears are keeping you from interacting more often. With me it’s the certainty that people won’t like me. That’s irrational. I constantly battle with these kinds of thoughts. Some people will like me, some won’t. It’s not the end of the world. That’s what I try and tell myself. "PsychoGirl Liv" <livi…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:58900aea.0210031026.6d636b3b@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I remember I once mentioned that I didnt score very high on an > evaluation because I didn’t socialize with the staff much. We have a > new boss now and she was talking about how out going some of the > people we work with are. She was speaking to her boss and then I > heard her voice go very low. I heard my name mentioned and the word > "quiet". They spoke in a very low tone for awhile. I know I am not > the life of the office and I keep to myself but Im a good efficient > worker. I happened to be filing something away when I overheard this > so I ran back into the office and decided to write how I feel. Now I > feel like the office weirdo. I talk to people, but am I that strange > that they have to whisper. I feel like such a freak. > Liv
Response:
>I don’t think that being an introvert means there is anything wrong with >you. >Some people including myself are just happier with less interaction.
Really? Is this true, that we do not like to talk to other people, or just that we find ourselves unable to do so? Is it that we feel what we have to say would be pointless to them, that they don’t care and don’t want to hear us and only listen to be polite? This is how I feel much of the time, but I justify not talking to others when the opportunity arises by saying I don’t care.
Response:
I remember I once mentioned that I didnt score very high on an evaluation because I didn’t socialize with the staff much. We have a new boss now and she was talking about how out going some of the people we work with are. She was speaking to her boss and then I heard her voice go very low. I heard my name mentioned and the word "quiet". They spoke in a very low tone for awhile. I know I am not the life of the office and I keep to myself but Im a good efficient worker. I happened to be filing something away when I overheard this so I ran back into the office and decided to write how I feel. Now I feel like the office weirdo. I talk to people, but am I that strange that they have to whisper. I feel like such a freak. Liv
Response:
> I feel like such a freak.
I never socialised with my colleagues and never went for drinks, meals etc. It was often commented on. I told my boss that as soon as she was prepared to pay for my time I’d attend every function but I would rather not spend MY time with work people. Bri — Om mani p
— Nick in Northallerton www.whelan.me.uk Also nickw7coc on Yahoo Messenger & on MSN Messenger & www.skype.com ! 
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